Reds don’t have the balls to sack Rafa

Liverpool’s board have insisted manager Rafa Benitez’s position is safe because not only does he owns all of the club’s footballs, but he has a contractual clause which gives him all rights to any football the club ever buys.

“Think you can win without this?”

Managing Director Christian Purslow must come to terms with either keeping the fiery Spaniard at Anfield, or have the club face a ball-less future.

Purslow admitted that the hirsute hombre conducted clever contractual negotiations to get the ‘football ownership’ clause put in, and little did they know they would face this situation.

The board are leaning towards backing the wily tactician to achieve some sort of consistency at the club, rather than face the prospect of winning the Premier League without a ball of their own.

– – Dirty Shorts is a satirical football parody, and contains no true facts whatsoever – –