Hodgson insists Fulham boys can be England’s saviours

Fulham supremo Roy Hodgson is showing his first signs of senility after claiming all Fabio Capello’s selection problems can be solved by Fulham’s English contingency.

Hodgson has been pondering England's problems for some time

With Emile Heskey’s long-term lack of form at Aston Villa, Hodgson suggested that a perfect like-for-like replacement for the bumbling muscle-head would be un-proflic bustler Bobby Zamora.

“If Capello is looking for a tall-ish, powerful, slightly-aggressive but hardly imposing, inconvenience of a front-man as an alternative for Heskey, then Zamora is the one,” wittered the elderly gentleman.

“His unprecedented goal record of one in eight speaks for itself, and if you give him four or five clear cut opportunities in a game, I guarantee he will score one of them…. occasionally.”

And when questioned if he had any more inspiring advice for naïve, untutored England coach Capello, Hodgson revealed his proposal to rejuvenate the England team didn’t stop there.

Hodgson assures us he still has all of his marbles

“What the national side is short of in the middle is legs, and Steven Gerrard wouldn’t cover half the ground Jonathan Greening does on a Saturday, when he deserves to be picked over Chris Baird that is.

“A left-sided player has always been an issue. I’ll talk to Fabio all day about how Paul Konchesky’s left-footed delivery more than compensates for his many defensive frailties.

“And don’t get me started on goalkeepers. I’ve seen who Capello has been picking lately, he wouldn’t go far wrong selecting David Stockdale, our third choice keeper.

“He hasn’t been picked for the reserve team for a while, but he definitely has England goalkeeping qualities, in the respect that he is fast, agile and unconvincing,” he added.

Hogdson, appearing tired from the outburst, then retreated in need of a sit-down to his favourite armchair accompanied by his pipe, slippers and murray mints.

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